Storybrooke Texts
by ThePrettiestPrimrose
Summary: What would happen if the citizens of Storybrooke all texted each other? Co-written by AnOreoForElphie! CaptainSwan, Snowing, OutlawQueen.
1. Broken Phones And Bus Boys

**Hey guys! A new story. I'm co-writing with the one and only AnOreoForElphie. She's won two Greg Awards and was willing to help me with this project. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Emma- How are you liking your new phone, kid?

Henry-Well I was liking it but I started having problems with it so I went to Hook. He just made things worse :(

Emma- Why him? He doesn't know a thing about technology. Was he drunk? What did he do?

Henry- If I told you what happened, you'd be mad at me. Let's just say that the screen protector didn't work very well and we probably should have gotten the warranty...

Emma- ...

Henry- Hook told me to tell you he was sorry. He didn't know that the case wasn't crack-resistant...

Emma- Did he throw it thinking that would make it work? You know what. Tell him how to text... it shouldn't be that hard as long as he presses 'the Emma button.' (Don't ask.)

Henry- fine I'll text him and tell him

* * *

Henry- mom is mad and wants u to text her... now

Hook- which mom?

Henry- like my real mom...

Hook- oh. what does she wanna talk about, lad?

Henry- just text her.

* * *

Hook- what are you pissed about now swan?

Emma- What did you do to my son's phone.

Hook- oh yeah, about that, I can pay to get it fixed. How much will it cost? Like 20 dubloons? 30?

Emma- In this world we don't use dubloons, hook! What did you do?

Hook- no dubloons? How impractical. And I didn't do anything, my hook just impaled it. So 30 dubloons?

Emma- Impaled? How sharp is that thing?

Hook- sharp enough to impale a phone but not a brick.

Emma- You are getting a job and buying him a new phone! Understood?

Hook- don't tell a man what to do, Swan. It's bad form

Emma- How about breaking a phone? You will get a freaking job! Understood?

Hook- nonsense,Swan. I'll just exchange my dubloons for some cash.

Emma- I don't think you can do that! Just get a job. Maybe Ruby will let you be a bus boy at Granny's.

Hook- bus boy? I can hardly drive a car, let alone a bus. And I'm a man, not a boy.

Emma- it means working at a restaurant! Like cleaning off dishes.

Hook- whoa, Swan. My days of swabbing the deck are way behind me.

Hook- the bloody talking phone is dying. Sorry swan.

Emma- meet me at your ship. Ok?

Emma- ok?

Emma- killian?

Emma- your phone died. Of course.


	2. First Kiss And Flying Arrows

**Hey guys! This chapter is by ChristmasLights64. We will be switching or typing them together. The first chapter was by both of us to kick things off. Hope you like it. Bye!**

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Henry- Mom, can I talk to you?

Emma- of course. What is it?

Henry- I think I'm in love! I think I'm dating.

Emma- these are the times where I wish your father was alive.

Emma- Why do you think you are dating?

Henry- Violet kissed me...

Emma- WHY? WHAT?! HOW!

Henry- on the cheek! It was nothing!

Emma- OMG! I'm getting Regina on here!

Henry- no! Please...

Henry- Mom?

Henry- Mom?

Regina- Henry Daniel Mills! You what?

Henry- _Henry has recently died and can not be reached. *BEEP* Please go away and don't go into Henry's room. His dead body has locked the door. *BEEP*_

Emma- ha! Good one kid.

Regina- do NOT encourage him ms. Swan!

Emma- Henry?

Emma-kid?

Regina- if you can get a hold of him tell him I'll be home in five minutes sharp.

Emma- ok.

* * *

Hook- Swan, got a bit of a problem...

Emma- with what?

Hook- There's a strange man by my ship wearing a ridiculous uniform

Emma- what's he doing?

Hook- he's trying to hand me a strange white square.

Emma- Hook.

Hook- yeah

Emma- he's a mailman!

Hook- should I take the square?

Emma- yes. You should!

Hook- I took the square.

Emma- good.

Hook- I would say thank you but there seems to be a dog chasing him.

Emma- ok. Bye.

Hook- bye. Thanks for the help.

Hook- ooh! That looked painful. Poor mail man...

* * *

Zelena- Gina?

Regina- How did you get my number?

Zelena- you'll never know!

Regina- what do you want, pickle?

Zelena- Our dear mother seems quite pissed.

Regina- what happened?

Zelena- your boyfriend who reeks of forest is shooting arrows by her apartment. Woah! The aim on that one was terrible!

Regina- ...

Zelena- He seems to be helping a afro baby shoot the arrows.

Regina- Roland!

Zelena- he's the afro baby? Or toddler... I guess.

Regina- he must be teaching Roland how to shoot.

Zelena- he must be a very violent father. Eh?

* * *

Emma- last night was so fun! ;)

Charming- I didn't know you loved watching your brother so much!

Emma- whoops! Wrong person. I mean...

Charming- Emma...

Emma- yes daddy?

Charming- what happened last night?

Emma- Hook came over but I SWEAR nothing happened!

Charming- he what?

Snow- whatcha guys talking about?

Emma- not you too!

Charming- Emma invited Hook over while watching Neal.

Snow- WHAT?!

Emma- ummm... guys?

Charming- not the time!

Snow- Why would you do that?

Emma- guys?

Charming- What?

Snow-what?

Emma- is there supposed to be an arrow shattering almost every window?

Snow- no... besides the point

Emma- and our window?

Charming- what?

Emma- and our other window?

* * *

Robin- Emma, we didn't mean to shoot the Windows! Please don't arrest me!

Emma- yeah, you should work on your aim...

Robin- I was trying to teach Roland how to shoot arrows! I'll pay for the damage...

Emma- hmm? Every window in Storybrooke? That should cost you about $65,000.

Robin- not all Windows and wow that's a lot of money! Never mind Roland shot Gold's window.

Emma- and gold's? About $65,155!

Robin- I'm sorry!

Granny- you are gonna pay Robin Hood!

Emma- oh! Hi Granny.

Granny- hi Emma! Anyways, you are gonna pay!

Robin- don't worry I'm adding up my money on a... I think it's called a calculator?

Emma- How much?

Robin- I have a total of $227! Good enough?

Emma- nope. Not enough!

Granny- pay up or else Roland gets sent to juvie for almost committing mass murder on the citizens of Storybrooke!

Emma- hey! I decide that!

Robin- it was an accident...

Emma- Allright.


	3. Credit Cards And Cranky Charming

**Hey guys! I was really happy to see some favorites and follows on this story! I really hope you like it and think it's funny. AnOreoForElphie and I have a lot of fun writing it! Enjoy.**

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Violet- Henry? Hello...

Henry- hi.

Violet- sorry. I'm still getting used to technololigy...

Henry- it's called technology.

Violet- oh and getting used to new words.

Henry- I can see why its hard to understand.

Violet- I have a bit of a problem.

Henry- what? Are u ok?

Violet- yes. I'm fine, but my father isn't.

Henry- What happened? Are you hurt?

Violet- Henry! I'm fine... my father doesn't have any more money to pay for our place...

Henry- At Granny's?

Violet- Yes. The bed and breakfast.

Henry- don't worry I can help! I have money.

Violet- Henry, it's fine. It's not your job to help us with our money.

Henry- You are right! It's not my job. It's the sheriff's job. The sheriff fixes problems! I'm pretty sure my Mom's credit card is near.

Violet- I don't know what a credit card is but I trust you Henry!

Henry- yeah!

Violet- my hero.

* * *

Emma- kid...

Henry- hi mom.

Emma- Have you seen my credit card?

Henry- _There seems to be an error with your questions *BEEP*_

Emma- kid, that was funny earlier but did you use my credit card?

Henry-...

Emma- So you did?

Henry- I didn't say that I Said ...

Emma- huh? Think your a good liar?

Henry- yes.

Emma- that was a lie.

Henry- are you saying I'm a bad liar?

Emma- yeah. Pretty much.

Henry- oh, my battery is dying...

Emma- henry?

Emma- Henry?

Emma- Henry Daniel Mills!

* * *

Snow- Emma!

Emma- yeah.

Snow- I need your help.

Emma- ok.

Snow- I forgot a very important event.

Emma- What?

Charming- Why don't you ask me? It's my birthday after all.

Emma- you forgot your husband's b-day?

Snow- I'm sorry!

Emma- Did you even get him a present?

Snow- Well...

Emma- wow.

Snow- I'm sorry.

Charming- maybe I'll just forget your birthday!

Emma- ok! Solve your own problems. I have my own.

Charming- bye, Emma.

Snow- Charming, I'm sorry!

Snow- Charming?


End file.
